My desire

I've been thoroughly enjoying reading some Thomas Merton recently. Here is a famous prayer of his:

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.” (from Thoughts in Solitude)

I've mentioned some character flaws... I wonder sometimes if and how I will ever be able to please God... but then, I realize, a la Merton, that simply the sincere desire to please Him is pleasing to Him. If I think about the heart of a loving father, this makes perfect sense. I am full of flaws, defects, and well, sin. But I am also full of desire for Him. And that desire may be the only thing I can offer Him. And even as I offer this desire to Him, I realize it came from Him... I just offer it back. I think there is some eternal rhythm here, the awareness of which I've just scratched the surface.

I had a thought today that all these weaknesses, defects of character and flaws in some meaningful ways... have left me hungry with desire for God ... so, then, how thankful I am for these, my flaws! Poorly stated... let me try again... how thankful I am for where these flaws have brought me... I didn't get here pounding my chest and bellowing... I got here more crawling and scratching my way along. And, dare I think, God is somehow pleased with that?

By and through my imperfections I come to Him, entirely empty handed, with just this simple desire, and, He, being who He is, receives me. This is too magnificent!