Repentance - looking at the man in the mirror

Penance.... definitely a word associated with Lent.
Repentance...an even better word.

Too often, I twist and turn the ideas of penance and/or repentence into some kind of self-loathing and condemnation. And if I am not condemning myself, then I am blaming others. I know that this is not from the heart of God.

Every day, I talk with couples who are quick to lay blame on their partners for the failures of their marriage. It seems universal. If only he/she would STOP doing what they are doing and START doing something else, the marriage would stand a chance.

Every day, I live with a certain sense of inadequacy. I think, "if these people only knew that their therapist is prone to wild bouts of anxiety, panic attacks, guilt, shame, and a visit now and then to the wasteland of depression, they would think... get me out of here!"

Guilt and shame and anxiety and fear... I've got 'em all.

But that's not it! It's not it. I lack a penitent heart. I lack humility. In spite of that neurotic self condemnation, I think I am so SMART that I know better than anyone else in the world; even God Himself doesn't have much to teach me. I am IN CONTROL. I REALLY believe I know just about everything one needs to know, and I really believe I can read EVERYONE I encounter like a book. I will help you with your anxiety, even though there are times I am crawling out of my skin and my heart is ticking like a bomb ready to explode inside of me. I'm so darn smart!

How many people, smugly talking about the hypocrisy of the church, or the scandal of Priests/Ministers molesting children, etc., judge the whole of Christendom as foolish or worse. We look down our specific and mighty noses and scoff at everyone who doesn't share our perspective... "fundamentalists" "evangelicals" "liberals" "tea-party conservatives" "pagans" and on and on; we attach labels and vilify children of God. And I, from my haughty perch, stand in judgment of all those judgmental people, ready to remove the speck from my brother's eye and not seeing the plank in my own eye.

Here's a snippet from an old poem...

The humble soul compos'd of love and fear
Begins at home, and lays the burden there,
When doctrines disagree,
He says, in things which use hath justly got,
I am a scandal to the Church, and not
The Church is so to me.
---George Herbert

OK...HERE IS WHAT I KNOW TO BE TRUE. TRUE REPENTANCE IS LIFE CHANGING AND LIFE GIVING. IT IS RECOGNIZING THAT THERE IS A PATH THAT LEADS TO PEACE AND LIFE AND JOY, AND ACKNOWLEDGING THAT I HAVE WANDERED OFF IT, AND BECOMING WILLING THROUGH PRAYER, THOUGHT AND DEED TO GET BACK ON THAT PATH AND CONTINUE MY JOURNEY THUSLY.

From the book of Psalms:

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:11

There it is! There is a path, and we have One who desires to make it known to us... how many of us truly get humble enough to stand at the door and knock... and simply receive as children of our true Father. Hey, I can fake humility before man, and look awfully good, but not before God.

OK...so make fun of Michael Jackson...and me, for posting this... I can handle it. It is not a Lenten hymn, and MJ was no saint... I was never a huge fan, but I saw in his tormented life something of a gentle and good heart buried under trauma and distortion. He was full of flaws and who knows, he may have been full of evil. But, you know, there were two sides to MJ. They both were apparent. Anyway, I like this song for it's content, and I must confess... I like his performance. So if you just want to watch a touching video, watch the first... if you want to watch MJ perform it...watch the second.

Lent is helping bring a little more life to my life this year! No kidding!