This is true: I went through a phase while I was in college where I would "wake up" from sleep in my mind, but I was unable to open my eyes or move. I felt completely paralyzed... it was quite frightening. It probably happened about 20 times. It would last from 5-20 seconds and it would end with me violently shaking myself awake. At the time, coincidently, I was reading a book about some strange Eastern meditation practices in which yogis were able to go to sleep while staying conscious and alert mentally... When I would go to bed at night, I was trying to replicate their experience, but I was unsuccessful...I would either stay awake, or fall asleep, but I couln't do both simultaneously. But occasionally in the morning, it would happen... the only problem was, the feeling of paralysis scared the hell out of me. Oddly, I didn't tell anyone, not even my roommate, what was happening to me. I attributed the cause to one of two possibilities:
1. The meditation technique was in some frightening way operating in reverse in my brain.
2. My use of hallucinogenic drugs was messing my brain up.
Regardless...the experience of being awake (and I was fully awake, not just dreaming I wss awake) and yet feeling my body still "asleep" was quite disconcerting...I couldn't move a muscle or "wake-up" physically.
So I stopped the meditation stuff...of course... but wasn't so motivated to stop #2 possible cause on the list... Anyway, the experiences kept happening for awhile, and then, mercifully, it stopped happening.
A few years ago, I read about a mild disorder that sometimes occurs in young adulthood which produces this symptom. It is one of those things that people outgrow and is not particularly harmful... There is no treatment and no real harm done.
I had almost forgotten about the experience completely until I read that article and realized I was totally wrong in attributing the cause of this weird occurence.
Here is why I am writing this now.
In many ways, and through numerous experiences, I feel I have "woke up" in my life. I have gained insights and wisdom. I have studied and read. I have prayed and meditated and contemplated. I believe I've connected with God.
Yet, in many ways, I am still...asleep. In my mind, I am alert, but I still act as though I'm asleep. Here is a meaningful saying...
The important thing is that when you come to understand something, you act on it, no matter how small the act is. Eventually, it will take you where you need to go.
Helen Prejean
I've just wasted the better part of my lunch break, and I have a client in three minutes, so this entry is going to have to be a two part entry... but for now...I ask myself...isn't that a meaningful quote and relevent to the thought I am having today?
...to be continued
"Instructions for living a life:
ReplyDeletePay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it."
--Mary Oliver
Awaiting part 2! I can tell you that I used to do exactly the same thing, and had no meditation or drugs to blame it on. It's interesting that there's a disorder that does it. I realized as I read your post that indeed, I haven't done that in years. Thanks for sharing! As always, a fascinating read!