I think I want more.
So...OK...this is quite a step...feeling a call to a more disciplined life, and a call to a more contemplative and devoted life, and a call to more of a sense of community and, finally, a call to a more surrendered life...I have enrolled in a program to become a Benedictine Oblate. Oddly, I am not Catholic, and the monastery which is sponsoring this Oblate program most certainly is. But, I am under no pressure to become Catholic, in fact, I am encouraged to live and worship in a manner consistent with my own denominational calling. Truthfully, I have very little sense of any denominational identity. I have one primary sense of calling, and that is to the God of the Bible. I'm just not really at home anywhere else, and every time I think I have found a place to call home, I can't seem to attach in a very deep or meaningful way. I'm sure the deficit lies within me. So, I am not in any way seeing this as any type of denominational shift or conversion... Catholicism is about the only denomination I have never considered... (nor could I see myself ever considering it...it's just too great a theological stretch...but then again, I have learned enough to never say never). Yet, the monastic life ... ah...I am drawn... the reverence for God...yes, indeed. I have never been comfortable being asked "what denomination are you?" The most honest answer would be "none." On the other hand, I think of myself as a Jewish Buddhist Protestant Christian, with the emphasis on Christian... my heart belongs to Jesus...and it seems wherever I am in my journey, and however far my wandering may go, at the end of the day...beat up, beat down, lonely or misunderstood.. He is there to welcome me back into His loving and merciful embrace. Without condemnation! I am so much better at not judging people for where they are in their spiritual journey...and for not letting myself take on the judgment of others. So, I have the Judaism of my ancestry and upbringing, and a crazy illicit attraction to buddhism going on and on and on. Always, though, my heart still belongs to Jesus. I feel a kinship with Benedictine spirituality, the contemplative lifestyle of Benedictine Monks and Nuns, and the concept of making one's life an offering to God. I need to study more of the Rule of Benedict before I see whether it shall become a part of the Rule of Steven... You know, I'm sure if the opportunity arose, I'd think I was called to be a Franciscan monk as well...just cause I love what I know of St. Francis. Be that as it may, I am taking this step to see where it shall lead...
I wouldn't mind being a Nun in whatever order that Mother Theresa was part of... now that I think of it....now, now Steven...let's be real.
I wouldn't mind being a Nun in whatever order that Mother Theresa was part of... now that I think of it....now, now Steven...let's be real.
So... there you are. Though I often find myself seeking kindred spirits, as John Lennon said... "No one, I think, is in my tree." Oh, well, I guess we are each and all on our own unique journey... may God find us all and bring us safely home! (extra credit question...what Beatle song did I just quote?)
Say...I would do well to be "famous" for being nothing more than a gentle and loving soul and one who communed with God.... I have so far yet to travel! Oy vez, it can be such a long journey! Full of tsuris! I'll be writing more of my Oblate experience, I am sure...
onward!
~~~FAMOUS~~~
The river is famous to the fish.
The loud voice is famous to silence,
which knew it would inherit the earth
before anybody said so.
The cat sleeping on the fence is famous to the birds
watching him from the birdhouse.
The tear is famous, briefly, to the cheek.
The idea you carry close to your bosom
is famous to your bosom.
The boot is famous to the earth,
more famous than the dress shoe,
which is famous only to floors.
The bent photograph is famous to the one who carries it
and not at all famous to the one who is pictured.
I want to be famous to shuffling men
who smile while crossing streets,
sticky children in grocery lines,
famous as the one who smiled back.
I want to be famous in the way a pulley is famous,
or a buttonhole, not because it did anything spectacular,
but because it never forgot what it could do.
---Naomi Shihab Nye
~~~FAMOUS~~~
The river is famous to the fish.
The loud voice is famous to silence,
which knew it would inherit the earth
before anybody said so.
The cat sleeping on the fence is famous to the birds
watching him from the birdhouse.
The tear is famous, briefly, to the cheek.
The idea you carry close to your bosom
is famous to your bosom.
The boot is famous to the earth,
more famous than the dress shoe,
which is famous only to floors.
The bent photograph is famous to the one who carries it
and not at all famous to the one who is pictured.
I want to be famous to shuffling men
who smile while crossing streets,
sticky children in grocery lines,
famous as the one who smiled back.
I want to be famous in the way a pulley is famous,
or a buttonhole, not because it did anything spectacular,
but because it never forgot what it could do.
---Naomi Shihab Nye
I don't know what touches me more, the poem or your posting. Both and. I have a handful of friends, mostly Episcopalian, who are Benedictine Oblates... who've made pilgrimages to Italy and to Benedictine Weeks at our Bishops Ranch here in northern California. I am not one but I know them. I hang with Franciscan Friars without being called to their Third Order (http://www.tssf.org/ ). And I too love Jesus along with my own Jewish heritage, even though I can't name the Beatles song (oh sigh!).
ReplyDeleteThe song is "Strawberry Fields Forever." That was an easy one.
ReplyDeletePerhaps, in the great scheme of things, you've never been meant to have that disciplined life, long term, at least until now. So you can give it a try and see where it leads you. Sometimes, we hear things the clearest when we surround ourselves with silence. I wish you the blessings of the Divine on your journey. May it take you where you are supposed to be.