the bagel

Having inconsistent taste buds and salivary function, I take food very seriously these days.  I am always testing myself.  Will this salad dressing burn my tongue? Will this cracker get stuck in my throat? Will this pie taste funny?   Is the discomfort this food will create worth the pleasure (or nutrients, hah!) it will provide?  Will this banana finally taste like a banana again, or continue to taste like tasteless mush?   I ate many slices of Pizza on our recent NY trip...I was a little disappointed that both taste and swallow-ability were a bit compromised, but I still found the experience to be a joyful one.

Tonight, I had a large tomato from our garden and a Colorado peach for dinner. I ate them between clients, and I am sure I will eat something more when I get home around 7:30, as I have this voice that tells me I can't just eat a tomato and peach for a meal and be happy.   But they both tasted  really good and went down easily.   A victory.   The tomato did not burn...  and the taste was pretty close to how tomatoes and peaches are meant to taste. 

I want to lighten up about eating.  I want to accept the awkwardness of it with some humor.  I am simply where I am with it, and it is nice to not have any cares about calories and weight. And to be eating again, oh, how wonderful compared to the months I lived through a feeding tube or then, by drinking Ensure.  So when I ran across this whimsical poem, I liked it. By the way, I have a bagel every Saturday morning.  There is a definite cost, both in swallowing difficulty (degree of difficulty...8.5) and if it's overly toasted it can even scrape my tongue (isn't that odd?), but there is a fairly high pleasure factor, both in sentimental value and restored taste.

Truth be told, even compromised, eating is again an activity that ranks fairly high in things that are fun to do in my life.


The Bagel


David Ignatow


I stopped to pick up the bagel
rolling away in the wind,
annoyed with myself
for having dropped it
as if it were a portent.
Faster and faster it rolled,
with me running after it
bent low, gritting my teeth,
and I found myself doubled over
and rolling down the street
head over heels, one complete somersault
after another like a bagel
and strangely happy with myself.